Indipendunt journerlist and cuntent crater.
"Raising the Colours, Lowering the Standards!"
My first foray into public-interest investigations grounded in primary documents came when I was indicted by the Mallorca Hotel Business Federation (FEHM) because they alleged that one of my companies was involved in processing dodgy compensation claims.
I then went to France with my very good friend, a ex-convict named Daniel who kidnapped the wrong man at knifepoint in an argument about drug money. Nasty Illegals (the kind who kidnap, carry knives or deal drugs) come over to Ingerlund on inflatable botes, so we valiantly filmed each other wandering around, and I even popped one of the Evil Inflatables all by myself! Unfortunately, I had a big row with Daniel about money, and now we don't go on holiday together any more. I miss him 😭😭😭.
It was then I had a brilliant idea. I founded Raise The Colours with my friend, entrepreneur Elliott Stanley (one of the stars of I Help My Parents Run A Sex Doll Business). I drive my Lambo from my house in semi-rural Worcestershire to urban Birmingham and go up ladders putting cheap plastic flags on public property without permission. We do this in multiracial areas that we don't live in to promote feelings of belonging, togetherness, and unity–whether the residents have asked us to or not. Usually, they've asked us not to, but who cares? Who's streets? Are streets!
We enjoy intimidating, doxxing and headbutting council workers. Sometimes we protect are women by screaming insults at them or assaulting them.
Anyway, RTC are a great bunch of exuberant fun-loving lads! There's Ben Cullen (Raise the Colours Oxfordshire), who pleaded guilty to possession of a prohibited weapon and administering a noxious substance with intent, has previous convictions for weapons and violence, including possession of a firearm. Ben is also charged with making indecent images of children (but although I'm an Investigutive Journerlist, I didn't know any of this).
Then there's Jordan, who was sentenced in 2018 for his part in a West Midlands drugs gang channelling heroin and crack cocaine into the streets of Stafford. Great lad! And we have a right laugh with top bloke Billy Allison, who valiantly punched Matthew O'Gara in a Lichfield pub and was later charged with his murder. And let's not forget my newest 💕bestie❤️, Donald "John" Cunningham, who was sent to prison for breaching a restraining order and assaulting his girlfriend 😍.
We drive, though. When one of the lads ran over a resident with the cherry picker we use for flagging, I swiftly drove off in my Lambo and denied ever being near the scene.
And when my friend Ben went to court, accused of making 22 category A indecent photographs of children, including one moving image, plus 36 category B and a further 20 category C images, what I didn't know nothing about, I ran away on holiday.
The forces of muslamic fundamentals are out to get me. I've been kicked out of pubs; my own family have turned their backs on me; I'm banned from France and Oxfordshire and don't feel very eager to visit Spain.
I went to Brighton spread my message of unity, joy and patriotism, but the local people didn't seem very receptive. And now the Leftwaffe Police have even charged me with assault because some libtard woman hit my fist with her head!
Ultra Far Left Marxist Communists are being mean to me, saying that I knew about Ben (Raise the Colours Oxfordshire) saving are kids (to his hard drive), when actually I've barely ever met him. Ben (Raise the Colours Oxfordshire) who?
This is why I've decided to become an Investigutive journerlist. That's where we are, guys.
Not everyone likes free speech and free press. There's a lefty vigilanty BURNING flags what me and the lads have put up. Nobody knows her identitty, but she goes by the name of Commie Conflagration Candice, even having the cheek to incorporate the word "flag" in her made-up word "conflagration". Apparently she and her army of green sock-wearing Libs are burning flags, and trying to blame so-called climate change!
But we patriots won't be silenced. I'm naming and shaming her and trying to stir up my thousands of mates (Great lads!) to protect free speech, and protect are women. Like what Churchill would of done.
As you can imagine, being an Investigutive Journerlist requires many skills. Firstly, I regularly wear a vest. It also requires empathy, honesty and integritty, qualities that I have in abundance. Or even "in a manbun-dance"! (Self-defecating humour is a Great British Tradition!)
It also requires absolute familiarity with modern technology. I can often be overheard yelling "Turn the camera round, J.J.!" or "How do you turn this thing off?". I'm also good at FacegramTok, and a genius at GoFundMe. And that's where we are, guys. Love you all!